This too shall pass
Homeschooling. Am I right? No, in all seriousness, my son is twelve, smarter than me and fairly independent. All you mommas of a) younger children and/or b) multiple children, I don't know how you are doing it. You truly are the unsung heroes and I tip my hat to you.
I've lost count of how many days we've been home. On the very first day I made a schedule. I am routine-driven. The planner in me needed to have every minute of every day filled with educational, physical and mental activities. I needed to maintain some sort of structure, not only for Little J, but for me as well. That lasted a few days. The schedule changed. The activities changed. Initially I had this vision of me being able to do it all flawlessly - Work full time, help Little J with school, work out, keep the house clean, keep the laundry done, do all of the grocery shopping, dinner on the table every night, evening walks with the family. Easy peesy. And I'll admit, for the first couple of weeks, it went just like this and I was fine.
Enter this week. Bam! I hit an emotional wall. The schedule changed again. It snowed. I missed Easter with my family. I missed my nephew's second birthday. I had a birthday. I ate too much Easter candy. I drank too much wine. I didn't work out. And I could not find the motivation to do anything. I found myself lying in bed much longer in the mornings. Dinner? Not on the table. Laundry? The load I put in the washer this morning is still there. The frustrating part? I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm feeling this way. My family is healthy. My husband and I still have our jobs. I have the opportunity to be home every day with Little J. I'm a homebody anyway, so this shouldn't be so hard. We're blessed. The world around us is falling apart, but here in our home, our world, for the most part, has stayed in tact. Or has it? Perhaps it is the heaviness of the outside world that is finally cracking the hard outer shell I was attempting to wear.
I don't think I've allowed myself to fully feel the emotion of what is happening in the world today. In a way, I've numbed myself to it. We are absorbed in it. There isn't anywhere you turn without seeing the effects of Coronavirus. It's on the news. It's all over social media. It's all anyone is talking about and consumes every conversation. By this time, everyone knows someone or knows someone who knows someone who has been affected by it. I've laughed at the memes and enjoyed the celebrities sharing their at-home experiences, showing me that stars really are just like us ;-) I've watched Tiger King and Love is Blind. I've stood in awe of the unity that this has created. We howl with our neighbors at 8:00 every night. I cry when I see NYC residents cheering out of their windows. Yet I worry. I worry about the nurses, doctors and healthcare workers on the frontlines. I worry about the people lying in hospital beds tonight without their loved ones beside them. I worry about the people who have lost their jobs and don't know how they are going to put dinner on the table for their families. I worry about the elderly population who rely on meals being delivered to them and currently don't know when their next meal will come. I worry about our economy. I worry about the future of our society and what that will look like. I worry about my parents. I worry about my son. I worry about my abilities as a mother during this time. Will we come out of this okay?
This morning I was writing a list of projects that need to get done this weekend. After all, this is the best time to get those done, right? When will we ever have this much free time again? And then I stopped. That question rang through my mind. When will we ever have this much free time again? I will never get this opportunity again. Soon enough I will be back to the grind - rushing home from work, getting to the school, rushing to soccer practice and violin lessons and home again in a mad dash to get dinner on the table and get homework done. I will never again get to experience this slow pace of life, this quality time with Little J and my hubby. So, for now why not put the projects off? They will still be waiting for us when this is all over. Why not take this opportunity to spend the incredible amount of free time we've been given to have fun together, to be lazy and to simply just be. Will he watch too much TV? Maybe. Will he play too many video games? Probably. Will he still be ok? Most likely. He gets to be a kid and if I can lift his burden for this short time, I'll have done something.
The laundry might not get done today. My house might not be perfectly clean, but if I don't slow down now, count my blessings and embrace this time that I've been given, I may look back and regret it. Weeks like this week will come again. I will hit another wall, I'm sure of it. I need not shame myself for it, rather embrace it, feel all the feels and pick myself up again tomorrow. If this season can teach me anything, let it be the importance of kindness, love and most of all, the importance of family.
For this too shall pass.
I've lost count of how many days we've been home. On the very first day I made a schedule. I am routine-driven. The planner in me needed to have every minute of every day filled with educational, physical and mental activities. I needed to maintain some sort of structure, not only for Little J, but for me as well. That lasted a few days. The schedule changed. The activities changed. Initially I had this vision of me being able to do it all flawlessly - Work full time, help Little J with school, work out, keep the house clean, keep the laundry done, do all of the grocery shopping, dinner on the table every night, evening walks with the family. Easy peesy. And I'll admit, for the first couple of weeks, it went just like this and I was fine.
Enter this week. Bam! I hit an emotional wall. The schedule changed again. It snowed. I missed Easter with my family. I missed my nephew's second birthday. I had a birthday. I ate too much Easter candy. I drank too much wine. I didn't work out. And I could not find the motivation to do anything. I found myself lying in bed much longer in the mornings. Dinner? Not on the table. Laundry? The load I put in the washer this morning is still there. The frustrating part? I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm feeling this way. My family is healthy. My husband and I still have our jobs. I have the opportunity to be home every day with Little J. I'm a homebody anyway, so this shouldn't be so hard. We're blessed. The world around us is falling apart, but here in our home, our world, for the most part, has stayed in tact. Or has it? Perhaps it is the heaviness of the outside world that is finally cracking the hard outer shell I was attempting to wear.
I don't think I've allowed myself to fully feel the emotion of what is happening in the world today. In a way, I've numbed myself to it. We are absorbed in it. There isn't anywhere you turn without seeing the effects of Coronavirus. It's on the news. It's all over social media. It's all anyone is talking about and consumes every conversation. By this time, everyone knows someone or knows someone who knows someone who has been affected by it. I've laughed at the memes and enjoyed the celebrities sharing their at-home experiences, showing me that stars really are just like us ;-) I've watched Tiger King and Love is Blind. I've stood in awe of the unity that this has created. We howl with our neighbors at 8:00 every night. I cry when I see NYC residents cheering out of their windows. Yet I worry. I worry about the nurses, doctors and healthcare workers on the frontlines. I worry about the people lying in hospital beds tonight without their loved ones beside them. I worry about the people who have lost their jobs and don't know how they are going to put dinner on the table for their families. I worry about the elderly population who rely on meals being delivered to them and currently don't know when their next meal will come. I worry about our economy. I worry about the future of our society and what that will look like. I worry about my parents. I worry about my son. I worry about my abilities as a mother during this time. Will we come out of this okay?
This morning I was writing a list of projects that need to get done this weekend. After all, this is the best time to get those done, right? When will we ever have this much free time again? And then I stopped. That question rang through my mind. When will we ever have this much free time again? I will never get this opportunity again. Soon enough I will be back to the grind - rushing home from work, getting to the school, rushing to soccer practice and violin lessons and home again in a mad dash to get dinner on the table and get homework done. I will never again get to experience this slow pace of life, this quality time with Little J and my hubby. So, for now why not put the projects off? They will still be waiting for us when this is all over. Why not take this opportunity to spend the incredible amount of free time we've been given to have fun together, to be lazy and to simply just be. Will he watch too much TV? Maybe. Will he play too many video games? Probably. Will he still be ok? Most likely. He gets to be a kid and if I can lift his burden for this short time, I'll have done something.
The laundry might not get done today. My house might not be perfectly clean, but if I don't slow down now, count my blessings and embrace this time that I've been given, I may look back and regret it. Weeks like this week will come again. I will hit another wall, I'm sure of it. I need not shame myself for it, rather embrace it, feel all the feels and pick myself up again tomorrow. If this season can teach me anything, let it be the importance of kindness, love and most of all, the importance of family.
For this too shall pass.