I am a Mom by Choice

 

I was 19 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I was a sophomore in college dreaming of my future and planning trips to Europe, Jacob and I were in a struggling relationship, I was living with my very Catholic mother and for much of my life, my biggest fear was disappointing my father. I had no way of supporting a child and I had a choice to make. And I was terrified. Would my mom kick me out? Would my parents disown me? Would I have to drop out of school and never get the degree I worked so hard for? Would I have a partner to raise this child with? This, without a doubt, was one of the most painful and fearful times of my life. Could I give a baby the life it deserved? 

I ultimately decided to carry through with my pregnancy and it was, undoubtedly, the best decision I ever made. BUT despite all of those fears I had, I had a support system. The people in my life showed up for me and my baby, and for them I will forever be grateful. Jacob stood by my side every step of the way. My mom allowed us to live with her. My dad and bonus mom kept me on their health insurance, my mother in-law watched the baby starting at 3 weeks old when I had to drop him off so I could go back to school. I had professors who were supportive. I had to work 2 jobs while going to school full time, student teaching and getting up with a crying infant in the middle of the night. Looking back it’s hard to see how I survived, but I did it with my village, a village not everyone is fortunate enough to have. 

Since giving birth to that beautiful baby boy, I have struggled with infertility and loss. It has been a painful and devastating journey. But through it all, I could never, ever, ever tell another woman to take the same path I did because I have not walked in her shoes. I do not know her story. Was she raped by her abusive husband? Does she already have 5 children that she cannot afford to feed? Is she a teenager who just isn’t ready? Did she just learn that her baby will be born in pain and will live the rest of their life in agony? Did she just learn that if she gives birth to this baby, she herself will die? The stories are endless, they are personal and they are private. Her fate is not to be decided by anyone but her. 

What a sad, sad time in our history this is. The progress of our grandparents’ generation evaporated. How sad that one political viewpoint has the authority to decide who is ”worthy” of basic human rights. For those of you celebrating, know that this will not stop abortions. This will only stop safe abortions. More women will now die. More unwanted children will be fed into a system that already cannot support the hundreds of thousands of children in the foster care system today. And it will not stop here. The rights that were stripped from women just two days ago will not be the last. This is only the beginning of a re-crumbling of a nation that boasts to be the best. But women and those who support us are strong. We will rise. We will march. We will fight back. 

I am a mom by choice. And I support the choices of all women.