I Thought I Would Miss Him
I was sitting on my couch last night with my little man
curled up next to me, and a wave of emotion rushed
I can remember crying when I stopped nursing Little J. It felt as though I was losing a piece of him. I had to let go and allow him to have more
independence, even though he was still just a little baby. At that time I
wished that he would have to depend on me forever. I didn’t want to let go. A
few short months later, on the eve of his first birthday, I cried yet again. As
if he knew that he was turning ‘one’
the next day, and suddenly he was going to change (ha!). But for me, it was the
symbolism of what that meant. Again, I had to let go of this baby and allow him
to have more independence so that he could grow. I thought I would miss him. I
thought that I would wish that he could be a baby forever. Little did I know
that ‘one’ would be just as much fun as the baby months, if not better. I can
remember talking to my mom and telling her about my fears of missing him. She
told me that it is often difficult to let go, but each stage is more exciting
and just as special. She was right. How
ironic, that it would be watching him gain his independence that would make me
fall even more in love with him than I could have ever imagined.
Soon he was talking and holding conversations with me. He
was constantly asking questions, trying to gain an understanding of everything
in the world around him. He was learning and becoming so smart. This was
exciting! Fast forward five years, and we have a funny, intelligent, sweet six
year old who brings more and more joy to my life each day. Every milestone is a
new and exciting adventure. Watching him turn into the “little man” he has
become has been the happiness of my life.
I will often look back at pictures of Little J when he was a
baby and a toddler. Although I feel a sense of nostalgia, I don’t necessarily
miss those times. Those very times have created memories that I will hold onto
forever. Time sure does fly, but rather than dwell on the past, I have chosen to embrace the future. So
on nights when he will cuddle with me for a few short moments, I hold onto him
as tight as I can, for I know there will come a time when he will no longer
want to cuddle with his Mama. When that time comes, I will again be forced to
let go, but I will try not to miss him. I will always have memories and feelings frozen
in my mind, and I know that the next stage will be just as exciting!